Times can be tough when you have a partner under the impression that money grows on trees. They consistently spend $5 at a coffee shop, $14 for a salad, $35 on Amazon and that’s only by lunchtime. Whatever your financial situation may be, having one partner overspending while the other is saving is a difficult situation to navigate.

How do I tell my partner to stop overspending without causing an argument?

Start the conversation without pointing fingers:

Approach the subject in a calm, understanding manner that shows you’re concerned about overspending as a couple. Use the words “we” and “us” instead of “you.” This will help start the conversation in an approachable manner that will allow your partner to not feel blamed or attacked about the situation.

What to say:

  • “We’ve been going XYZ over our budget. Can we talk about how we can do better as a couple?”
  • “I wanted to talk with you about our spending recently. Can we find some ways that we can both cut back?”
  • “Can we discuss how much we are both spending a week and find ways to save better?”

Explain why it’s important to you:

It is always important to explain the reason why this is upsetting you. You can throw out numbers about how much your partner is overspending, but unless they know the reason why it’s upsetting you, the conversation is likely to go in circles. You want to give your partner a window into what you are feeling and how you can work through it as a couple.

What to say:

  • “It’s important to me to make sure that we are being responsible with our money and spending it wisely.”
  • “I think that we could be saving a lot more towards our goals if we both cut back on frivolous purchases.”
  • “I’d love to be able to put more money towards purchases we want to make as a couple.”

Provide a solution:

Whenever you bring up a problem, you should always come to the table with a solution. Think about what could be done to resolve the situation and provide tangible ways to move forward. Make it clear that you are going to work to solve this issue together as a team.

What to say:

  • “Let’s revisit our budget and come up with a weekly spend that we are both comfortable with.”
  • “We can meal-prep lunches together for the week so we don’t have to buy lunch.”
  • “Let’s reward ourselves with a special date night if we follow our budget for a month.”

Telling anyone they are overspending is a hard topic to bring up. It is a conversation that can lead to misunderstandings that result to arguments. We are going to keep thinking about this common issue and how to handle it in future blog posts. Tell us how you navigate over-spenders and relationships on social media!